The Intergalactic Ass-Kicking Margarita

This recipe is from Dan Cisneros. His invention of the Intergalactic Ass-Kicking Margarita is a significant accomplishment. If it does not rank with the discovery of nuclear fission, it is still much more vital on this spinning globe than, say, the creation of Toni Home Permanent.

The problem with margaritas is all that measuring . . . and the triple sec . . . and then there’s always margarita mix. Starts as a pain in the ass, then gets worse.

Do you always have the right stuff handy when the margarita urge strikes? Fuck no, you don’t.

But keep these simple ingredients in your home and you can’t go wrong. You’ll be ready, should the margarita-slurping ghost of Hunter S. Thompson drop by.

OK, here we go:

  • Cheap beer
  • Off-brand tequila
  • Ice
  • Frozen limeade
  • A blender

These things need to be within your reach 24/7.

It’s this easy:

  • Empty the limeade into the blender. Plop.
  • Fill the empty limeade container with beer. (Don’t waste good beer on this. A 40 of Busch Light will do. You want it for kick, not richness and beer-snob appeal.)
  • Pour the beer in the blender.
  • Fill the limeade container with tequila  (Again, your preference, but even Save-a-Lot brand tequila will do).
  • Pour that shit into the blender.
  • Add ice.
  • Flip on the blender and turn this mess into the alcoholic equivalent of a 7-11 Icee Slurpee.

Salt the rim of the glass. Put in some slices of lime. Hell, garnish with baked potatoes if you want. You’re drinking this, not me.

So simple. So smooth. So magnificent.

(Even better on the rocks. Just leave out the blender.)