Cream-in-Your-Jeans
Blueberry Cake

This son of a bitch is easy. It was thunk up while watching a James Bond movie in bed one night. It’s so easy that I did it without help.

Get a couple boxes of that Jiffy Blueberry Muffin mix and fix it just like the box says, only don’t put it into those wimpy-ass muffin cups. Pour that shit into an oversized pie pan.

Cook like it says on the box — 450 degrees I think it was. This takes something like 15 minutes. Plenty of time to take a break from the kitchen and see James kick some bad guys’asses.

Take the thing out of the oven. It ought to be a nice shade of gold and be hotter than shit. You can always stick in the knife and see if it comes out clean. Don’t do that too much or you’ve got a cake that looks like James Bond whipped its ass with a Ginzu.

Now, while it’s nuclear hot, start spreading icing on the bastard. Vanilla only, please. That stuff will slip and slide all over the place, but keep doing it. A whole can. Doesn’t matter what brand. It’s like donut glaze, only thicker and much nastier.

If you’re doing this right,the icing will boil and bubble, like the volcanic explosion scene from the original (and best) “Journey to the Center of the Earth.” It’s going to be a goopy mess, but serve it hot, in bed, with a nice tall one — milk, of course.

The leftovers make a nice breakfast pastry, washed down with a Diet Coke.